My Instagram feed is full of pithy quotes, relationship advice and motivational "life lessons".
I am 100% guilty of sharing them to my stories. They are the kind of statements that people come up with after they've been through a traumatic relationship and "healing journey" - a relatable one-liner intended to encapsuate years of therapy. These are some of my favourite artists who use this text--centered approach as their medium - whose content I frequently share:
Michael James Schneider
Haley Hendrick
Soleoado
I think I enjoy this content because it is completely counter to the way my mind (and probably most people's minds) work and the messy reality of toxic relationships. The statement, although embodying some truth and wisdom, is presented as a singular, unambiguous answer to a situation or experience that was probably a whole lot more complicated. These perfected Instagram statements have such a distilled clarity and purity, which feels inauthentic - they are a confrontation with the complex reality of relationships and abuse.
I mostly think in pictures/emotions from which random phrases emerge. The last time, I was feeling overwhelmed - I decided to just start painting the phrases that popped into my mind onto the last piece of canvas fabric I had left over from making the "Hate Dress". Given the negativity of the words that was coming out, which were obviously related to abusive behaviour which I have experienced in relationships, this seemed rather appropriate.
I then got the potatoes out and added the coloured marks. I was running out of acrylic paint, so I mixed in some watercolour tubes too, which produced a cracked, matt texture.
I then splattered the last remains of the acrylic paint which was in plastic tubes which sprayed the paint into small droplets. Once it had dried, I took it downstairs and got out my bag of ribbons (which the cats obviously love to play with).
I sliced up the fabric and stitched it back together with the ribbons. I deliberately used the "odds and ends" rather than new reels of ribbons - a kind of "make do with what you've got" attitude to mending things. I think there is something impactful in this juxtaposition of toxicity, violence and pain, and then healing with something that is feminine, pretty and colourful.
It snowed the day after I finished the stitching, which turned out to be a great background for photographing the piece. I always love the back of these artworks as much as the front.
This feels like an anti-thesis to the positive clarity of the Instagram content I share, but somehow it feels more real and authentic. It made me contemplate "toxic positivity". Sometimes when people hurt you, they cause irreparable harm and it's okay to admit that you can't or aren't ready (yet) to let that go. I wondered why toxic positivity is so popular on the Instagram platform - like you are only permitted to share the profound wisdom you have gained after you fully "healed" - with no recogntion or permission to express the impact of the traumatic experience itself. This is not the case with other artforms/platforms. If you think about a lot of popular songs about heartbreak, the lyrics are incredible negative and full of pain and expressing a failure to move on and heal - just a few examples:
Every Breath You Take - The Police
'Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around, but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying, baby, baby please'
Someone Like You - Adele
'I heard that you settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
I guess she gave you things I didn't give to you'
Please, Please, Please - Sabrina Carpetner
'I heard that you're an actor, so act like a stand-up guy
Whatever devil's inside you, don't let him out tonight
I tell them it's just your culture and everyone rolls their eyes
Yeah, I know'
One Step Forward, Three Steps Back - Olivia Rodrigo
'And maybe in some masochistic way
I kind of find it all exciting
Like which lover will I get today?
Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?'
wish You the Best - Lewis Capaldi
'I'll miss knowin' what you're thinkin'
And hearin' how your day has been
Do you think you can tell me everything, darling?
But leave out every part about him'
Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor
'It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you'
It feels like musical artists are allowed and praised for expressing something through song lyrics which is not permissible in the visual content of Instagram. As a communications professional, I find this 'adapting content to the platform' particularly interesting to consider. In the end, I decided not to post this artwork on my Instagram account. But I think I will also stop sharing those toxically positive text based artworks too.
I couldn't think of a title for this piece, so I decided to steal/adapt the title of a Paloma Faith song, 'Only "Love" Can Hurt Like This' - because I always wonder how we can call it "love" if a relationship was abusive.
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